the jucie of greatness: the "greatness juice".

Okay, here it is, the sentimental post, the post which makes people think and cry about how they're lives are exactly like mine when in fact they couldn't be more different, the one where everything becomes clear for everyone else but me.

Picture this. Just this. No scenarios where you put yourself into my shoes, my life, where you slowly and painfully analyse every single fault and crack and crease. Just picture this. I say this, what i mean is nothingness. The joy, sorrow and emptiness of nothingness.

Forget you have that everlasting bond with your father, that beautiful relationship with your mother and picture me and my "this". Me and my was. Me and my_______. Me and my what? My blank? My false hope? Me and my ability to forgive my mother and father for not showing their ever blossoming faces favourably to me? ME and MY delusional, self pitying, deceitful, lonely self!

Not caring is used as such a depressing cliche nowadays that it makes one thing about what people say when nobody actually cares for them at all. Do they say no one cares or do they use a phrase we cant think of until they say it and we do the universal "oh yeah, that's what it is!" speech. I for one don't let myself fall into that trap. Not because i don't care, cause i do, just not enough to stop using the phrase nobody cares. This may sound like gibberish, which it is, but its mine so it must make sense, besides something only has to make sense when there is someone to make sense of it. But since nobody cares, it shall remain as it is. Wow, I'm really pulling out some "Grey's Anatomy" shit right here.

But onto the whole point of not caring. Has anyone out there ever found that there isn't really much point in communicating with your parents after they've told you they want you to be a doctor or a lawyer and you turn around and tell them you want to be a writer and they stop paying any sort of attention to you? I know its a common teenager conflict thing, but this fire inside me raging against them is starting to scare me a little bit now. I mean, do we even need to have a million and one doctors and lawyers in the world. I'm pretty sure there are other jobs out there. jobs for you and me to get stuck into without having to spend an extra 4 years in university! I'd like to see those doctors and lawyers pay off the loans they desperately clasped tightly to their teet! SEE! born writer!

Or maybe its just me, maybe I'm just not cut out for being here maybe I'm destined for such greatness that i have to wait for a couple of generations for the "greatness juice" to kick in. Maybe im just a born tramp, which doesn't really bother me, frighteningly, i mean I'm sure there are more then a couple of people i can leech off.